Thursday, February 25, 2010

Are you okay?

This seems to be the question most asked of me lately.  While this is completely understandable given the circumstances, what I want to shout from the rooftops (to be completely cliche) is I am FABULOUS!  I have moved through the sadness part of the roller coaster, pretty much moved through the anger part of the same ride, and I am now finding this peace that I didn't know could exist.

There are more moments now when I have to stop and pause and remind myself that the past year and a month of my life really did happen because there are days when it just feels like a dream that started out great but ended up a nightmare. To be honest, it doesn't feel real 99 percent of the time.  I have never really had the capacity to block something out like this before, but I think part of my subconscious knew it was never right.  I'm thinking that part of my brain is helping me through this along with family, friends, and some great musical artists.  

I have once again found my roots, and I don't plan on turning from them again any time soon, if ever.  If this was the wake-up call that I needed, as stubborn as I am, to get my head on straight and focus on things that should have been priorities for such a long time, then I have to welcome this recent event in my life no matter the pain and heartache it brought with it initially. 

Someone very important in my life recently asked if I had had that "whew" (make gesture of wiping my brow) moment as far as all this is concerned yet, and the answer is, "Yes, I have." The phrase "dodging a bullet" has also been used.  We weren't right, we both had our faults, and we both made our mistakes.  We did not need to be together.  I can say that now with all honesty, THANK GOD!  Do I wish things had been handled in a much more responsible and mature manner?  YES!!!  Will we ever have that, "we eventually became friends," moment? NO, not only NO, HELL NO!!!  There is too much water under the bridge for me as I am sure there is for the other party too.  With all of this said, I leave the blogosphere with these Sugarland lyrics as my words of parting:

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah

With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open yeah you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Who'll change her mind and change her world

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything

This is how I see things now.  I'm not settling, and I was about to do that because I just wanted it sooooo badly.  

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